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P-Funk...the early years
HUGE LOSS IN PING-PONG: Tuesday, I challenged my dad to an old fashioned whupping in ping-pong. After beating him in two games with great ease, 21-18 and 21-9 respectively, I told my dad he could never beat me as long as "Cobra Rouge" was by my side. He met my challenge and we bet 50 cents on one winner-takes-all game. Everything was going smooth. I had the momentum of 5 straight points and an 18-17 lead. Then the phone rings and my dad makes me answer it. It was my aunt calling for my dad and when all was said and done, a couple minutes passed and I lost my groove and lost the game 21-17. That match was all my aunt's fault and I will be hard-pressed to be nice to her the next time she calls. My dad, feeling cocky, challenged me to a double-or-nothing match. However, with the score 10-7 in his favor, I noticed the ball sounding odd. It was cracked but was still playable...for him. He is more defensive and just rallies til you screw up. I am an offensive juggernaut with the power of Zeus so a solid uncracked ball is a neccessity. Needless to say, with the ball in his favor, I lost. I vow to take revenge on anyone, my dad included, who dare challenge me to a game of ping-pong. Bobby Kashani aka The Human Wall aka The Baffler aka The Harlem Pongtrotter aka The Ponginator aka Pongdre 3000 aka King Pong cannot be beat.
theonion.com TOP ARTICLES:Once again, I have come through with some solid articles from the definitive source of humor, The Onion
BASKETBALL JONES: Basketball night at Willingdon Church was a big success. After last week's paltry attendance of five players, this week we had more than 20 people show up. We eventually had to break up the full-court 5-on-5 games to two half-court 4-on-4's so less people would be sitting out games. It was all good fun, but just before Graham and I were set to continue our "Focker" dynasty against Jerred and Chris, some people from the Church staff asked us to leave. It was only 11 pm so I was puzzled. We normally had no problems even around midnight. That was quite possibly the only downside to an otherwise good night of ball.
SALMON AWARD: This week's winner of the Salmon Award is Jordan Wong. Jordan has a habit of making certain people say "whoa!" when he is driving. He is now "Supreme Ambassador of Whoa! Automotives".
BABE BATTLE 13: Last week was the biggest victory in Babe Battle history. Caprice Bourret (suprisingly, in my eyes) lowered the boom on Gabrielle Richens 33 votes to 10. This week, Salma Hayek goes up against Alison Armitage. CLICK HERE TO VOTE ON THIS WEEK'S BATTLE.
DO-IT-YOURSELF WORD ON THE STREET:Partly due to the fact that I was really pressed for time, I didn't do a Word On The Street this week. However, I did have time to discover a great alternative. Grand Royal's website has an engine that helps you create your own dance movie. Yes, you can now be the star of your own modern day Footloose or Dirty Dancing. TO MAKE MOVIE HISTORY YOUR OWN WAY, CLICK HERE.
BBQ @ CHRIS': Saturday, Chris had a small get-together of guys where we had a barbeque and watched the hockey game. I was in the midst of eating dinner when I heard of this happening but I made it down, bowl of salad and all during the start of the 1st period. During the intermission, we played some basketball in the driveway and it was good times, revisiting the unbeatable triangle offence of Chris, Jory and I. After the hockey game, we had some Bond tournaments for the miniature Stanley Cup. Chris beat me for the gold in the first tourney of Golden Eye. Next round, whoever finished third would get the trophy and Chris beat me again. Next game we played The World Is Not Enough, and the first place winner would get the cup and I finally came through and won. After that, we had a WWF No Mercy tourney. Jory pummeled Hodge in a cage match, then Chris bludgeoned me in a ladder match. In the finals, Jory got tagged by Chris in a regular hardcore match. After that, Chris played Hodge in a handicap match and still won.
CANUCKS PLAYOFF UPDATE: After five years of waiting, the Canucks are back in the playoffs. The hunt for the Cup began thursday in Colorado. The Canucks scored first and things looked good. Then with the game tied up at four with a minute left in regulation, the Canucks had a lapse and Dan Cloutier had a brain cramp and Chris Drury sunk the Canucks scoring the decisive goal. Colorado won 5-4. Game 2 in Colorado was on saturday. Once again, the Canucks scored first but two Colorado goals would go unanswered and the Canucks lost 2-1. This time, Milan Hejduk was the Canuck killer.
BASEBALL POOL UPDATE: During the second week, I fell victim to some very very VERY bad pitching. Ironic since I was the greatest thing to touch the mound since Dwight Gooden toed the rubber for the Mets in 1984. Anyways, with that in conjunction with Jory's big week, the standings are as follows now (watch for my comeback next week):
| BIG BAMBINO BABE RUTH (Jory) | 725 |
| Cool Mother Funkers (Bobby) | 656 |
| Rocky Balboa (Warren) | 565 |
| Friday Night (Jerred) | 539 |
Chris' team continues to go without a roster
SURVIVOR 2:Colby won the reward challenge (some race where they had
their hands tied to string line or something) and won a huge meal. Meanwhile,
the river bed-based campgrounds got washed away after the storm when water flooded
on by. All was lost but Rodger and Tina got the rice back. Keith's matches though
were wet so it was all for not. The immunity challenge involved slingshotting.
Each survivor had 3 plates hanging from strings with their name on it. They
would each shoot their slingshot at the same time and whoever was the last to
lose their plates, won. It came down to Colby and Elisabeth in the end. Colby
had one partially broken plate and Elisabeth had two perfect plates. Elisabeth
had two cracks at taking him out, but missed both as Colby hit both his shots
and won immunity. In tribal council, Amber was betrayed by her teammates and
lost the vote 4-2. Rodger got the other 2 votes.
AFRO NEWS: Another stellar hair week for me. This week, I changed the
funk for basketball. I went with little puffs in my hair instead of braids and
represented Ol' Dirty Bastard style. My resulting afro the next day was amazingly
huge (Chris was a witness to my huge hair when we played ball in his driveway
the next morning). Saturday, I managed to get my afro to cooperate nicely for
when I went to work. It was a beautiful thing. I am now left to ponder how I
can top last week's basketball look.
FUNBO RECORD REVIEW: This week, I felt compelled to spread the word on an amazing album. I just bought Slum Village's "Fantastic, Vol. 2" and it is an amazing album. The music and production is top notch. The album was primarily produced by Jay Dee, the Detroit based member of The Ummah (which also includes Q-Tip, formerly of A Tribe Called Quest). The lyrics are also up to par to the great music and some of the standout tracks are "I Don't Know", "Climax", "Fall In Love" and "Thelonius". This was definitely one of the five best albums to come out in 2000. If your faith in hip-hop began to wane (like mine) than pick this up and let it restore your belief in good hip-hop.
WARREN'S COOL THING OF THE WEEK:Warren's cool thing for this week is the mini Stanley cups that come in the cases of Labatt's Blue. Warren issued this statement via e-mail.
I will trade for them
they are very cool and when you buy them you get beer with them."
RANDOM NOTES: Everybody who likes good tv shows should get a digital
cable box or satelite dish. On Movie Central's Adrenaline Drive channel, they
show reruns of A-Team. I think A-Team is the best show ever (yes, I think it
rivals Seinfeld, when it was in it's peak)...My main man, Horace Jenkins (better
known as June in the playground) from William Patterson University won the NCAA
slam dunk competition. Despite being the shortest competitor at 6'1", I knew
he would come through. He is a streetball legend and will be destroying an NBA
team near you in the future...Attention to all, the lion head pendant is back
in my chain rotation. For a while, I thought it looked big on my chain, but
I realize now that it is just right. Score...Finally, I wrote to Jay Leno the
other day asking if I could be a guest on his show. I already got back the automatic
response from NBCi. Now I await a real answer from Jay or someone from The Tonight
Show. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
Below is the list of past issues along with some of the highlights:
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