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Yeah, that's me in the Moscrop jersey, back in 10th grade, swatting away some poor South player's
shot. Long live Moscrop basketball!
NAZI REGIME AT LIBRARY, JOB SEARCH BEGINS: Well, my life as a slave
to the library has hit rock bottom. Out of nowhere, an evil new regime has taken
place. The basic premises that are screwing me over are like this. I can't put
away books with another person, but other people are allowed to work together.
I can't be in the room that a certain two people are in, so if one of them are
working there, I have to find something else to do. Also, we are once again
not allowed to talk which makes me wonder why we got in trouble for the quiet
game...I thought all of quietness made us impossible to work with? My job is
an absolute and I've had enough. That is why I am now beginning my job search.
If anyone can tell me somewhere that is hiring, I'd appreciate the tip. I don't
care where it is as long as it isn't a library.
BASKETBALL JONES: Great weather this week meant a great week of basketball.
Monday, I went to Wesburn to play with Stephen and Jeff. After winning a game
of 21, we all took turns playing one-on-one with the loser going out. The first
game I played against Jeff, he beat me handily and then began to posture like
he was Baby Jesus. But then, like Rocky in a rematch against Apollo Creed or
Clubber Lang, I came back and beat him, and then again and again and again.
The highlight was the trip from the courts to my work where we were listening
to Roni Size in Jeff's van where I began to do the robot, Jeff did the head
bob and Stephen threw up the peace sign. We got some very sweet looks from peds
and passerby.
Thursday, Warren apparently had some vision that a friend of ours had a volleyball
game at SFU so we decided to go watch. When we got there, there was no game
at all. Since we already paid for an hour of parking, we decided to just start
playing basketball in one of the gyms. It was lots of fun, playing: me and Hodge
against Warren and Chris. Unfortunately, the fun ended early when the gym lady
came by asking if any of us had shoe tags. That was when we had the choice to
pay 4 bucks each or leave. We left.
SHOE HUNTING CONTINUES: After having my heart broken last week in my
attempt to get a pair of basketball shoes and crying for a while, I regrouped
and got back to the hunt. I was lucky enough to discover the new Air Jordan
XVI. The only downside is that they are 230 dollars. However, the silver lining
to that cloud is that I doubt they will sell out anytime soon. So if all goes
well, I should have them before the next newsletter. Yeah!
MOSCROP RISES: Out of nowhere, it seems, Moscrop (my old high school)
has risen to become a good basketball. They upset the two best teams in their
league to win the district championships. In their first game of lower mainlands,
they beat Kilarney by 10 points, a game capped off by a nice dunk at the end
by Moscrop's center. However, in their second game, they lost to the number
2 ranked team in the province, Kitsilano by about 20 points. The playoffs are
double elimination though so my boys are still alive. Long live the baby blue
and black.
GRAHAM'S BIRTHDAY FESTIVITIES: This was quite possibly one of the more
entertaining times I have spent in recent memory. Before I begin, I thought
that the drawing I made (shown at left) would best describe Graham throughout
the night. We started off the festivities by having dinner at Earls. That was
quite the enjoyable experience when we combine all the fun of Mike sneaking
his own booze in, the Chris Rock impersonations, and saying stuff about people
like the waitress who's straps on her shoes looked like they were on the verge
of either snapping or turning her legs blue. It also good to reunite the crew
formerly known as the Triple-O and once again known as the Evil trio. It was
the first time I've seen Jay in a long ass time, which was good. After Earls,
we went to Tyler's house for awhile. Jay and I played darts while other people
were getting ready. I pulled off the amazing comeback after being down 16 rounds
to 12, to take it 17 to 16. I think luck prevailed this time, so a rematch may
be in order. Finally, we all headed off to Coyote to get our drink and dance
on. I was upset that in my attempt to dance on the top stage, some bald headed
kojak bouncer said that only this one girl was allowed up there. I was forced
to avoid the throne I claimed not too long ago. However, the night was great.
I had fun and Graham got messed in a hurry. We didn't even spend 2 hours there
before Graham was hurling in the parking lot. We left and stopped at Wendy's
before going home and as soon as Graham entered Tyler's house, he was out. I
played darts for about 20 minutes half-messed and by myself before hitting the
sack for probably my worst sleep ever. The highlight of all came the next morning
when Graham woke up and saw our Wendy's bag and drinks and said "You guys went
to Wendy's without me?". He seemed to have forgotten he was in the car with
us. That was classic.
CHIP SHOTS MAGAZINE: I got home Saturday morning to find the greatest
discovery in the mail. Three copies of chip shots magazine delivered to me by
Jeff Sadgrove. On the back, it has a list of hole in ones, and my pseudo golf
persona is there baby. September 13th on hole 14...PRINCE KASHANI...oh yeah!!!
My crowning golf achievement to this point is now immortalized in local magazine
splender. I scanned a pic of it for your viewing pleasure.
CARLOS N BUD'S, TED & KANE'S: Saturday night, I went to Carlos N Buds with a few friends. Jory and I came late because we couldn't find any damn parking downtown which is always the case, it seems. Anyways, when we got there, people were already well into their meals. So me being the meticulously slow eater I am, I was seriously behind the eight ball. That and the fact that Jory handed me a half pound of chicken wings made me the last man standing at the table. I decided enough was enough and just got the rest of it to go. After that, Jory, Warren and I went back to Burnaby and made a brief spot at Ted and Kane's house party (click here to see their online ad). I have no idea who these people are, but Warren apparently knows Kane. We were there for maybe five minutes and this party was the saddest shit I have ever seen. I feel sorry for the people who actually shelled out ten bucks to cover the price of the two kegs that they got there. I highly doubt the second keg was even touched. However, they did have a pretty nice place. After jetting from there, we topped off the night by going to Chris' house to play cards for a few hours and I did my best to rob everyone blind with my mad skills. However, Alicia seemed to have the biggest pile of pennies so I guess she was the big winner. Damn it!
SALMON AWARD: This week's winner of the Salmon Award is Cory Jennermann.
Cory is now "Royal Embassador of Redneck Relations, Comox Styles Regime". Congratulations
Cory. And to everyone, else, I have absolutely no one lined up for the salmon
award next week. For those who don't know, the salmon award goes to the person
with the best title for themselves each week. To win, just email me with the
title you wish to be called (eg. Jeff is the Deputy Prime Minister of Very Internal
Female Affairs).
WORD ON THE STREET: Due to a severe brain cramp on my part, there is
no word on the street this week. I apologize for the inconvenience. In it's
place, I thought I would link to something funny. So CLICK HERE to get something almost as great as Word On The Street. Let the email wars begin.
BABE BATTLE 6: Last week's babe battle gave us a little bit of an upset
(personally, I expected it). Jessica Simpson left Britney Spears in her dust,
winning the vote 13-10. This week, we have Son of the Beach star, Leila Arcieri
against one of Maxim's supermodel cover girls, Yamila Diaz-Rahi. Rock the vote,
baby. CLICK HERE TO VOTE FOR THIS WEEK'S BATTLE.
SURVIVOR 2: Episode 5 came and went and vegetarian/idiot supreme, Kimmi, got the boot. I always thought she was a useless third wheel and I for one am glad she is gone. The fire continued to burn on the island in typical prop fashion. Jerri has finally realized that her "birds of a feather" plan is flawed now that Colby sort of defected by voting out Mitchell. So Jerri is once again bent on getting Colby back on their side. The best part was when Kimmi and Alicia argued over Kimmi's ignorance towards normal people's need for meat. If there is one thing I could take a stand for in life, it's the right to eat chicken. It's good for you, it has protein, and it tastes great no matter how you cook it or what you cook it with. It's versatility is amazing. Fight the power Alicia. Go to hell Kimmi.
AFRO NEWS: During basketball this week, the 'fro was absolutely stunning. Everyone who saw it when I went to play ball on thursday was in awe. It's thick-n-fluffy factor is unparalleled. For Graham's birthday, the afro was once again being rocked in full effect. It was the perfect compliment to my look that night.
Warren wanted his own weekly column here for him to show the cool things he sends me all the time, so each week, I will one of these things posted. This will be "Warren's Cool Thing of the Week". The picture below is the cool thing for this week. Don't tell these things won't take over the world.
Below is the list of past issues along with some of the highlights:
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