Your bad day could only be worse if this happened.
1. Your older brother drops out of school to be a wrestler and practices stomping
you on your sternum. He stomps you again for refusing to call it a solarplexus.
2. Your parents decide that it would be healthy to take up biking...in spandex
and a big foam helmet.
3. Your Gameboy batteries die as you're battling for the 150th pokemon while
sitting in the bathroom. You buy new batteries only to find out you last saved
the game when you got your second pokemon.
4. Aliens invade the planet and steal top-notch lesbians and bi-sexuals, replacing
them with a breed of three-headed porno witch. Hugh Hefner and other porn industry
magnates are found homeless on the street with former internet CEO's.
5. A woman is elected Prime Minister. Technology no longer works, taxes are
increased to buy shoes that match outfits, maxi pad commercials air more frequently
then they already do and men are bugged with monogamy detectors and anti-lesbian
fantasy chips. In a completely unrelated story, male suicide reaches an all-time
high.
6. Kathie Lee is back on TV as the newest co-host on the view. Audiences are
once again forced to suffer through talk about Frank Gifford in bed, Kathie
Lee's perfect kids and her horrible singing. Due to Kathie Lee's huge contract,
ABC can no longer afford to buy Star Jones' wigs. TV reaches a new low.
Moral of the story: You never had it that bad unless this stuff has happened.
