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CONTACT JAY LENO:
As many of you know, I am trying to get on Jay Leno's show. Months ago I emailed
The Tonight Show but no reply. So I figure it's time for the big guns. I need
to go to old school snail mail. However, I can't do this alone. I need your
help. Please join me and write letters to The Tonight Show and tell Jay Leno
how much you want me to be a guest on his show. Even if you don't want me on
the show, just lie and do it for me. That way, everybody wins. If you are so
hard up on cash, that you won't fork over the small price of a stamp, I'll mail
the letter for you. Just get cracking on the letters so Leno knows how much
we all want me on the show. Address all letters to:
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
3000 W. Alameda Ave.
Burbank, CA 91523
PARENTS DON'T GO ON VACATION: Well, my parents, as I expected, left me hooped this week. They were supposed to go to the Sunshine Coast for the week starting tuesday and as late as midnight the night before, they were giving me the speech about taking care of the house, etc. They had everything packed and then I wake up around 1 pm to find the kiss of death. A note on the table that said "we went to lougheed mall. See you later". I thought I was gonna cry but then I thought "maybe they just went there first". However, all my hopes were crushed when I went downstairs to get my house shoes and I found the cooler and the bag with pots and cereal still in the house. At that point, I knew it was over and my parents were going nowhere. It seems understandable that they didn't go since it was raining however they knew it was gonna rain the night before and said nothing. Alas, I never did have my hopes because whenever my parents discuss leaving me alone with the house, it's just too good to be true. It happened once for two days only because I practically had to trick them into going away without me. Otherwise, they just don't trust me. That's my stance and I stand by it. What a shame, though.
DISCUSSION BOARD BACK?:
Well, the discussion board pretty much died which is quite sad. At one point, it was busy with people who weren't even members. Now it has flatlined. I am working on a new discussion board right now and hopefully it will be running well again. Stay tuned for more updates on that.
MORE CAR PROBLEMS:
Yes indeed. I have now been able to trace the root of all my minor car problems:
my battery. The battery I put into my car wasn't the right one. It ended up
that it was, in fact, not strong enough for my car and caused my old alternator
to have a heartattack. So now that I have that figured out, all should be okay.
Unfortunately, the way I came about figuring that out wasn't fun. On wednesday,
I finished yet another "superfun" (read: hellish) day of work at 1 pm. I went
to my car, ready to go home but it wouldn't start. So after a while I called
BCAA. They said they would be down in 45 mins. This was shortly after 1 pm.
However, it didn't take 45 minutes for them to get to me. I waited and waited,
getting more and more soaked by the rain. An hour passed and my shoes, socks,
pants, jacket and sweater feel like ice against my skin. To make things worse,
an old man walks by and sees my pathetic condition, chuckles and says "nice
weather we're having, huh?". It's this exact type of witless sarcasm that makes
me hate old people. So I simply stared at the man and told him to fuck off.
To his credit, he promptly did so and left me alone. After all this and more,
it was just over two hours by the time BCAA finally came to my aid. The guy
charged up the battery and I went to my mechanic and told him what happened
so he's looking at my car as I write this. I came home soaking wet and just
took off everything except my boxers and moped around like a sad, half-naked
clown. It was a very, very depressing day.
TENNIS: Good tennis times this past week. Friday, Hodge and I went out to play some tennis at Burnaby Lake. I had the serve on like whoa. I had like 25 aces in three sets. I think I've finally figured serving out. I ended up winning the match 6-2, 6-2 and 6-0. It was closer than the games would suggest though. Saturday morning, on a mere three hours of sleep, I played tennis with Jeff before I had to go to work. We only got one set in but I beat Jeff 6-2. In his defense though, it was his first set with a brand new racket. It's a Tecno racket and he actually did a techno dance after a point like I suggested earlier. Sawwwweeeeeet!!! Finally, sunday night, Hodge and I played some nightime doubles against Chris and Julio. At first, we were up 4-1 and then we lost four straight games to be down 5-4. Then Hodge riled them up with nearly hitting Chris and Julio with his returns and they were thrown off their games. We won the set 7-5. It was good good times. We only played one set and then busted out cuz people were tired.
PING-PONG PORN CUP: Sunday afternoon, Chris, Hodge, Julio and I had the ping-pong porn cup at Julio's house. This was a very sad day for me. I came in last place. I only won one game which was against Hodge. However, finding the silver lining, I had the biggest victory, a 21-7 smashing of Hodge. Hodge won one game and finished in second. I hate how I always get screwed like that. Chris beat Hodge in the final and Julio got asian on me in the 3rd place match. Basically, I got shitted on. I did get my revenge later that night beating everyone.
FUN AT HODGE'S:
This week, I further established Hodge's house as my second home. Here's the
breakdown.
THURSDAY: We watched
American Pie and then we were playing Fifa 2000 on the playstation. That was
all fun except for one thing. Three people who will remain nameless came back
to Hodge's place while we were playing Fifa and in the search for the American
Pie video, I got beat up, more or less. My ears were mangled, I was strangled,
and all in all, it was just a not fun experience. To rub salt in the wound,
they messed my hair up on purpose. Hodge did nothing to stop this. He just wanted
to win against me in Fifa (fat chance). I should mention that only two of the
three nameless people beat me. The third who didn't beat me up is my favorite.
FRIDAY: We had the
Super Movie Marathon at Hodge's. Before that, I got my share of beatdowns again.
The worst part was getting my leg hair pulled. Not a good feeling at all. It
made me wish I was one of those girly swimmer guys with no body hair...well
not really, but you know what I mean. Anyways, first movie we watched was American
Pie (again). After that, no one was tired so we watched Orgazmo. After that,
it was 3 am but we still popped Any Given Sunday into the VCR. After that, I
was dead tired. It was 5:50 AM when I left Hodge's. I had to pull some stealth
maneuvering to get in the house unnoticed.
SUNDAY: I was back at Hodge's with some of the guys and we were playing Fifa. Hodge and I played 45 minute halves. The game was so long, that we had a snack break at halftime. Hodge's sister made us sandwiches and they were good. I also had water in the glass with a cow on it. I love that glass. Anyways, I ended up beating Hodge 67-14. I had a chance for 69 goals but late in the game, Hodge was being an asshole and he played keep away from me. Also to keep in mind, I played most the game with 10 men, about a whole half with 9 and in the end I was down to 7 men because of my dirty fouls getting me red cards. Just to put in perspective the kind of ass kicking I put on Hodge, my player of the game was kicked out with 20 minutes left in the game and he still had 24 goals. Yeah. Anyhoo, after that, we continued our ritual of watching American Pie. Good times. I love Hodge's house. I also had a shower there.
SALMON AWARD: This
week, Chris Hodgson gets the Salmon Award for being a super recruiter for the
fan club. Thanks to him, the fan club has gone from 86 members to 92 in a week.
Good stuff. Your new title is "Hodge"...just kidding. Hodge's new title is "Prime
Minister Supreme of the Recruito-Matic, Pacific Northwest Regime". A reminder
to all that the Salmon Award is slim pickings these days. There are 92 members
in the fan club and in nearly 40 issues, we've had about 12 different people
win the award. Bring on those nominations. Contact FunBo's House of Style by
using the email form at the bottom of the page.
THE ONION.COM TOP ARTICLES:
FunBo's House of Style may have some frivolous news and I know that because I have a voice, that leaves me with the responsibility of bringing you some real news. That is where our good friends at theonion.com come in. Here is the latest news from The Onion:
WORD ON THE STREET:
This week's dfilm has everything that makes movies great: a girl biting the
dust, a cowboy getting it on and then riding off into the sunset. CLICK
HERE TO CHECK OUT "COWBOY GUNS AND LOVE".
FUNBO ALBUM REVIEW: This week, I'm reviewing Usher's latest release "8701". This follows five years after the release of his immensely popular sophomore album, "My Way". Originally titled "All About U", this album was a while in the making. After releasing the single "Pop Your Collar", Usher found his album leaked out to Napster amongst mixed reviews. So he set back to the studio, did a little addition and subtraction and the end result was "8701". Now with that history lesson out of the way, onto the review. My main disappointment with this album is that it didn't include "Pop Your Collar", an incredible mid-tempo dance song. However, it does have it's share of potential singles. Aside from his leadoff single, the confused and spurned lover track "U Remind Me", he has the back-and-forth girl guy track "If I Want To" and the token celebrity dance move song "U-Turn". Guest spots by The Neptunes and P. Diddy worked well on "I Don't Know". Between doing his modern day Issac Hayes/Marvin Gaye/loverman routine, he manages to even sneak in a decent ballad in "Can U Help Me". However, this album does have it's sore spots, particularly "Hottest Thing" and "Good Ol' Ghetto". But overall, this is a solid release for all Usher and pop music fans.
BABE BATTLE 32: Last week, Mena Suvari took Patricia Barros for a walk in the park, winning 27 votes to 8. This week, Sopranos beauty Jamie-Lynn Sigler takes on star-in-the-making Sofia Vergara. This is the last battle of the first round. Next week, the round-of-32 begins..
CLICK
HERE TO VOTE ON THE BABE BATTLE.
BASEBALL POOL: I took a serious slip this week in points but I managed to hold onto my second place standing. Jory padded his first place lead by another 3 points on me, increasing his comfortable lead. I was a victim of not editing my roster. Pretty much going with the same roster all week. Not smart at all. Sidenote: my point total is 1984, the year Prince released the epic soundtrack and film "Purple Rain", which led to him being one of the few people to have a number one song, album and movie in the same week. Anyways, the current standings are as follows:
| BIG BAMBINO BABE RUTH (Jory) | 2215 |
| Cool Mother Funkers (Bobby) | 1984 |
| Friday Night (Jerred) | 1942 |
| Supermand Squad (Curtis) | 1892 |
| The Flipmode Squad(Jaydon) | 1559 |
| Jory's Farm Team (Jory as Warren) | 1405 |
WARREN'S COOL THING
OF THE WEEK: Warren's cool thing of the week is his car. It's very gangster. It's a 1984 Mercury Capri but we all know it's just an incognito Mustang. A lot of people ask Warren why he bought a 500 dollar car. It's simple though. He's just trying to keep it real. Word.
RANDOM NOTES: Miss Teen USA 2001. I was waiting for this the whole year. What a dissappointment. Miss Washington got screwed, Miss Texas should've won, and the winner Miss Missouri was UUgly. That's right one U for her, and the second one for her ugly mama...another screw job? Jennifer Lopez winning Best Hottie at the Teen Choice Awards over Jessica Alba. Probably cuz the votes were done by stupid little girls. Nobody with an iq equal to or greater than Cheeze Whiz could find Jennifer Lopez hotter than Jessica Alba...if the man says he got the green light, let him believe it...while performing at the miss teen usa pageant, a guy from Jagged Edge did the c-walk..."like she'd do anything anyways" hahahahahaha...I'm writing songs again and they are good. REALLY good...Who made me change my songwriting from rap songs to more r&b-ish stuff? My english teacher at Moscrop, Mrs. Thompson. She's the best...I can't believe Aaliyah died. It's always sad when accidents take away young talented people with so much to offer. Rest In Peace...I'm out like like ditchbound golf balls.
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